To those who are concerned about children,  

Why do we take cooking classes, driving lessons, dance instruction, etc., but when it comes to parenting, people just assume that they will know what to do?

I am writing this letter to tell you about a life-altering parenting program that is called Systematic Training  for  Effective  Parenting (STEP).    STEP was developed  by  Don Dinkmeyer, Sr.,  and Gary D. McKay based on the works of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs.  This program REALLY WORKS in improving relationships with children.  The goals of STEP are to raise happy, confident and cooperative children; to build strong, lifelong relationships with children and to help children grow into responsible adults.

A few years ago, I was really reaching my limit with my children’s misbehavior and my adverse reactions towards them.  I kept saying to myself, “I can’t stand being around my children!  This is not the way it is supposed to be!”  I was very fortunate at that point to come across Aviva Schwab, who has taught STEP workshops for 20 years and has successfully raised her children using the very same methods that she continues to teach.  It has worked so well for her family, that her sons are committed to following the program with their children.  STEP allowed me to understand and change my behavior.  As a result, my two children are now a pleasure to be with!  My children are growing up with a fantastic foundation of caring, support, self-guidance and awareness of themselves and others.

STEP tackles the most important issues in a child’s growth and development.  It helps the child learn to solve his or her own problems from a very early age, so that in later life that child can grow into a capable, independent adult.  It covers misbehavior and its causes and effects.  It teaches encouragement and natural and logical consequences.  It covers respectful communication and empathetic listening.  The best part of the program is that it is simple to understand and to put into action!

Please allow me to share one personal example of how STEP has worked in my family. 

It was a beautiful, sunny October day and my family had a wonderful time picnicking with our friends and their kids.  When we came home around dinnertime, my son Ben, who is 5 years old, saw his friend Noah outside and wanted to play with him.  I explained very patiently (after practicing STEP for two years, I am usually very calm and I do not need to scream any more) that I needed to get dinner ready, give him a bath, read books and put him into bed.  At that point, I let him make his own decision.  If he chose to play with his friend, then there would not be time for me to accomplish those tasks and he would have to make his own arrangements for his bedtime routine. Ben started yelling, “I don’t love you and I want to find myself another Mom!”  I stayed firm and replied simply, “That’s OK Ben, I love you and I will be here whenever you need me.”   Knowing myself before STEP, I would have blown up and said, “Fine, go ahead” and would have even opened the door for him so he could go find another mother.  Instead, I went to the kitchen and ignored him.  Ben followed me and asked me for dinner, still very angry with me.  I empathized with him, “It sounds like you were sad that you couldn’t play with Noah today.”    My son snapped back, “Yes.”   By his behavior and attitude it was obvious to me that Ben was still trying to entangle me in what is called, “The Dance” in STEP class.  He was trying to get me into a power struggle with him.  Instead of engaging in a battle, I chose to ignore this behavior.  I stayed calm.  As a result, Ben started to calm down and after a little while said very joyfully, “But you know Mom, I did have a play date at the picnic today!”  “Yes,” I said, “and we sure had a great time.  We should do it more often.”  After that he said, “You know Mom, I love you!”  I was overjoyed because I knew how this would have turned out before STEP.  In the meantime, Ben’s confidence increased because he was able to resolve his anger and disappointment without the escalation of yelling and punishments.  Through my empathy, he found a listening ear without being judged for his feelings.  I feel that we both won!  

I can fill many pages with stories showing how STEP has taught my husband and myself the skills needed to make our family life an enjoyable experience.  We still have our moments of frustration, but they are few and far between. 

My intention in passing this information on to you is the hope that you can help me spread the word about this effective, nurturing method of discipline.  Everywhere I look I see parents (and teachers) frustrated with defiant children.  I know that there does not have to be so much pain.

Please call Aviva Schwab at (845) 343-7845 for clarification on any questions or concerns.  To contact the publisher of the STEP program, visit www.steppublishers.com. I truly believe that we can help so many people have the courage to be responsible and loving parents.

Sincerely,

G. M.,

Mahwah, NJ